February 2013
1 post
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Retrospective
Like most everything in my life these days, Heavy and Light was complicated. Secrets keep you sick, but I have them anyway. Some friends are privy to what’s really going on in my life and others aren’t, and it can make the simplest of things a stressful affair. I ended up inviting a few friends, but driving up to Los Angeles on a Wednesday night was a bit daunting. After all, we are...
November 2012
3 posts
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To Write Love on Her Arms: Behind The Scenes: On... →
True words, Jamie. Thanks for sharing them.
twloha:
i feel sad more than i feel happy. i feel stuck more than i feel free. i feel defeated more than i feel accomplished. i feel i should have found love by now. i think about it every single day. i confuse girls with God. Because it seems easier to know a girl than a God. Seems easier to…
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Just rewatched the Firefly pilot.
That show was so incredibly good and I don’t even know why. All I know is I feel sad and wish it were never canceled.
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Health Insurance
All these stupid useless thoughts. Ugh. Such a pain. Fine I guess I’ll write about them. You’ve been warned.
My turn? Oh, let’s see. I can hardly believe I’ve been in California a year. At first I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in that time. Then I stop and think and realize I’ve:
-Moved across the country.
-Impressed my bosses at my new job and...
October 2012
1 post
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She might not make it home, tonight.
September 2012
1 post
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I really have kept myself far away from all my friends for some time now. Ever since I moved away I cut off all contact in a desperate bid to pull myself together on the other side of the country. I realized something today, though.
I really miss them.
So for better or worse, back on Gchat. I wish I had everything figured out but I still don’t, even after this year of exile. I wish I had made...
August 2012
4 posts
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We are TWLOHA
I spent three days volunteering with To Write Love on Her Arms at the Surf Open in Huntington Beach, California. I exchanged stories, sold t-shirts, and made countless fleeting yet powerful connections with people I’d pass on the streets and never think twice about. I was dusty and often tired, but thrilled to be a part of the organization I’d cared about for so long.
There were a...
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July 2012
3 posts
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Adulthood.
Adulthood is a funny thing. You see the signs; you know it’s coming, and yet somehow it still succeeds in taking you completely b surprise. When I was younger, I thought there would be some significant step when I realized I was no longer a child. I thought it’d be like my little bulbasaur evolving into the next stage of life. There would be a flash of light, a warping of time/space...
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June 2012
2 posts
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Sitting in the hospital waiting to get my punctured hand looked at.
Oh well, good a time as any to start Insurgent.
May 2012
3 posts
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One thing that surprises me is how much California seems to be idolized on tumblr, into some celestial paradise of dreams, palm trees, beaches, and endless youth. I moved to the coast of southern California nine months ago now. It’s a good place, don’t get me wrong. But you have your fears, problems, anxieties, and vices wherever you go. I certainly have more than my fair share. I...
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I used to.
My friend asked me two things at work today. First, he (very unexpectedly) sent me the article “How to win a culture war and lose a generation“ by Christian blogger Rachel Evans , who seems to be a very smart, intelligent young lady. He asked for my insight, since I identified as Christian. This was what I said.
I used to.
I’ve told people I’m on something of an (ironic...
April 2012
12 posts
5 tags
The Age Old Question
I was driving and thinking today, and my mind fled to a debate I’d had in my last year of college with some good friends. The old question of whether Christianity and homosexuality could exist together. Or whether they were entirely mutually exclusive and one had to preclude the other.
As I drove down the California highway and “Holocene” echoed around me, I realized that in...
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Speak by Laurie Anderson
Holy shit that was a good book.
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Sometimes
I miss Christianity.
I miss the friendship, the camaraderie, and the community. I miss feeling like I was part of something bigger than myself. I miss feeling like I belonged. I miss late nights with the best of friends. I miss talking about God, life, the universe, and everything else. I miss feeling like even at the worst of times I was being supported by something bigger than my problems.
...
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P.S. I was unreasonably thrilled that I have and wear often the exact same fingerless gloves that Don wears in the movie.
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Blue Like Jazz
The movie was real.
I really didn’t know what to expect when I went in to see Blue Like Jazz. All I knew was that, at a certain time in my life, the book had meant a great deal to me. Though my thoughts on religion are - surprisingly like the protagonist of the film - very much conflicted, I still respected the book and its author, and I wanted to see how they had turned a book of musings...
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This is how it all begins.
He woke up from REM cycle, impossibly disoriented as always.
The capsule dumped him unceremoniously on the floor, his cheek squashed into the dull brown carpet. Tinny alarms buzzed around him, reminding him that he only had half an hour to wash, dress, eat, and report for his work cycle on Access Floor. He sighed, and heaved himself up off the floor. For specialized deep oxygen sleep units,...
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March 2012
6 posts
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Someday, everything is going to go right for you, and it will be so wonderful you won’t even know what to do.
-Questionable Content, #2150
Here’s for holding out until that day.
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Styrofoam - Couches in Alleys.
Always.
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Monster
I don’t even really know where to start.
The first thing I felt when reading this was profound shock. The Almost, though a great band, is not an extremely well known one. And on top of that, “Monster” in particular had been the theme of my life for longer than I’d care to admit.
Every day I called myself a freak. Every day I felt a little bit more like a monster. At the...
Words on the Wind
They trudged along. There was little they could do now; the only way to go was forward. He was the first to speak. “There’s something about this place. I just feel..” his voice trailed off. “What?” the other said quietly. “I just feel so..
Lost and alive in this place, in this moment. In this darkened field, full moon overheard, the wind in the air and the...
Anonymous asked: Hi, we recently read The Great Gatsby in my english class and we were asked to write an essay on the main ideas/themes Fitzgerald uses. We were asked to write about 3 main techniques and give evidence. What do you think I should write about?
February 2012
7 posts
4 tags
The One True Tragedy
At first I was angry.
What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she see that Gatsby cared about her, that he loved her? Why couldn’t she see what she was doing to him? And sure, he probably wasn’t in love with her. He was in love with a vision of her; a perfect version of a Daisy who had probably never existed at all. But even that vision was something far more real than her...
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Even if it Kills Me.
I am going to find a way to be happy even if it kills me.
I deserve a better life than this.
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Just Breathe
This week has been a hard week.
I told my mom. There’s that.
I felt okay afterwards. I thought I felt better. It turns out it was some weird comfortably numb, eye of the hurricane stuff instead. I spent the next day in almost paralyzing panic to the point where I started to get all ideation again and scare myself.
I’m in Starbucks. I’m still listening to Barcelona’s...
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Escape
I think I read so much fiction because it’s easier to escape into others’ lives than to live my own.
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Pressure
I can feel the pressure. The floodgates are straining, screaming, crying. The links in the chains are being stretched to the limit; they are slowly coming undone. Cracks and rivulets grow and spread like vines up and down the masonry and the wood begins to splinter.
The time is coming and it scares me to the death.
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Barcelona - “Get Up, Get Up, Get Up”
...
January 2012
2 posts
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December 2011
6 posts
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Convergence
It had been the beginning of a friendship, cut short by circumstance and distance. They had drunk beer and talked about life, politics, anything and everything, and eventually what had brought them together in the first place. It had been a true conversation: a letting down of the defenses and barriers he had held up so long he hardly felt them anymore, except for that passing numbness when he...
Speak the Words
He stumbled off the train.
He was dirty, dusty, weary. Blackness smudged his face and hands, and a red welt ran around his right eye. His left leg wasn’t bearing his weight well; he stumbled and fell heavily against the side of the train. Then he saw me. He tried to smile, tried to focus, but it seemed it was too hard for him. A spasm of pain and his face dropped again.
And I. I ran for...
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Dissonance
I stumbled across an article on Cognitive Dissonance a few hours ago. Reading the description of the psychological theory was like remembering the name of an old friend or book, long forgotten.
Cognitive Dissonance is a discomfort caused by holding conflicting cognitions (e.g., ideas, beliefs, values, emotional reactions) simultaneously. In a state of dissonance, people may feel surprise, dread,...
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Another World
I used to say I’d give up anything. But then I thought, just what exactly would I give up? My intelligence? That’s gotten me through an intense college and into an amazing job on the other side of the ivory tower. My athleticism? These days, I live to feel myself move. To feel my body flip over itself and the air and then right myself to land expertly on my feet. My height? I’d...
